Walking in her Shadow
by Beautie98
Summary: All her life surrounded by insecurities Lauren embarks on an adventure of a lifetime with her sister Bella, controlled by her emotions she has no idea of what is coming her way. Life, Death and love are sure to be following her every step of her journey walking in the shadows of eternity. Nobody said it would be easy but she will never be alone... (AU, Non-canon)
1. Chapter 1

**_(A/N: Just a quick note, this is my first story written on here and it will not follow canon, Thanks for reading! Anything relating to the twilight universe belongs to Stephanie Mayer)_**

Living in her Shadow – Chapter 1

I suppose it's easier said than done to pack up and leave your home, the place where you sought comfort from and where you grew up but I know it burdens my mother to have to stay home with Bella and me when she could be travelling with her new husband. So it was decided that we would leave the nest and embark on our next adventure and travel to the rainy town of Forks where our father lived. Don't get me wrong I loved my family but I'm not always comfortable with change, I suppose Bella can be a great source of comfort for me at times but I struggle to open up to people.

'Hurry up Lauren, we're going to miss our flight' I sighed and collected the last of my belongings. With one last look around my bedroom I closed the door for what felt like the last time. I hurried down the stairs and scrambled into the car pressing my face against the window as we drove away.

'Are you sure you're going to be ok, you don't have to go.' Renee cooed. Bella skilfully persuaded her that we would be fine as we closed in on the airport. We unloaded all our stuff, said our final goodbyes and left to find our flight. It was relatively quick going through security and before I knew it we were sitting on a plane watching Arizona disappear in the setting sun.

I woke a few hours later to Bella shaking me as we'd reached our destination, we left the plane and collected our stuff walking outside to meet Charlie. I sat in the back of the cruiser and she took the passenger side. They made small talk whilst I kept to myself although we did exchange pleasantries. It was but a short while later until we pulled up outside a modest sized house and got out the car. Charlie helped carry our stuff into the house and let us settle in ourselves and I went to my room to lie down. The stress of moving catching up to me. Pausing as I passed the mirror I looked at myself, ugly, fat and useless were the words I would use to describe the girl who looked back. Dry, curly purple hair piled carelessly in a messy bun upon my round face stared back at me combined with striking bluey grey eyes that reminded everyone of storm clouds. I stuck out for all the wrong reasons.

All my life I have always struggled with myself as a person. I am my own worst enemy constantly reminding myself that I will fail at life, my arms and legs littered with scars tragically telling a story to all who happen to glance at them that I have destroyed my body in bouts of depression and anxiety. But I would say I'm at a stage where I'm coping not necessarily well but I'm getting there. The truth is I hate that I feel like I'm a burden to everyone I'm near and that I live everyday hating myself a bit more but truth is I don't know how to stop. I'm not popular but I socially outcast myself preferring to sit alone in a welcomed silence. I ignored the calls to come down for dinner feigning sleep in hopes that they would leave me alone. I heard the door open and felt a presence linger over me and a scratch of stubble as I felt who I presumed was my dad placing a gentle kiss on my forehead before leaving in the manner he entered. I lay in the same position in my bed just thinking about everything.

Sleep didn't come easy to me these days so I just lay there basking in the nightly glow as animals skittered around and the rain cried softly onto the roof above me. The hours flew by and before I knew it, it was time to get ready for school. Bleh. It sucked going to school and having people stare at you like you were some sort of exciting specimen wasn't what I'd call fun, and now starting afresh I can only imagine how people would look at me. I quickly headed to the shower to calm my nerves and took my tablets for today. Although I am prescribed medication, I refuse to speak to somebody about my problems, I can't let myself open up to anyone because someone always lets you down or they judge you on what you say or have done. I learned the hard way the first time it happened and I was always treated differently by those around me. So I keep myself to myself. Dad had kindly brought Bella a car as a welcoming gift as I didn't drive for my own reasons; I preferred to walk. I noticed that Dad had left to go to work early but had left money on the side for both of us. I was dressed casually today in black tights, a long-sleeved cotton dress and a pair of matching slip on ballet shoes to complete my outfit. I grabbed my bag and left early before Bella had even come down the stairs. As I was walking down the road I lit up my cigarette taking slow drags to help me get through this morning. Taking in deep breaths I saw the school approaching and put it out with my foot.

I tried extremely hard to ignore the many stares and pointed looks I got but squirmed a bit under the scrutiny of the other students. I'm sure they were just curious but I was trying to convince the irrational side of me to agree. Oh well. I made my way to the office to get my documents for today, I was lucky not to bump into anyone along the way. The receptionist was kind enough giving me a map and all the slips I had to get filled in for the rest of the day. I exited the area quickly hoping to get to my first class early which was Trig. Nobody else was in the room yet and I internally fist pumped the air at my luck of not having people gawk at me. I was given the choice to sit anywhere in the class and I made my way to sit at the by the door in case I needed a quick escape route. I was shortly joined by Bella who took the seat next to me when she came in slightly later with a guy called Eric. Bella gave my hand a tight squeeze for comfort and I gave her one back.

For the rest of the morning leading up to lunch I sat through the rest of my lessons taking notes and trying to stay hidden from everyone who tried to make small talk. Eventually I would open up and speak but today would not be that day for many people. Bella met me after class and we made small talk as we walked to the canteen to grab lunch.

'How's everything been so far' she whispered and I shrugged leaning forward to grab a bottle of water and a small salad.

'Could be worse' I replied as I went to pay for what I grabbed. She had a salad, some chips and an apple. She led me to a table surrounded by others who waved her over. I recognised a few from the lessons I sat in. She introduced me to them all as I began to play with my salad. I listened to several conversations going on at once but one in particular caught my ear. I could see Bella nod her head over to an oncoming group who were making their way to the far table. I could hear people making their judgments about the group who I now know are the Cullen's. It got me angry to listen to Jessica saying things that she clearly knew nothing about, saying they were weird, or looked like they were in pain or judging their relationship. She had no right!

'How can you sit there and say things like that about people? Who made you in charge of deciding what people are really like, I bet my life on the fact that you've never had a decent conversation with these people and you dare to comment about them.' I angrily whispered and the silence was deafening. Everybody stopped and looked at me and I froze like a deer in headlights. I stuttered my apologies and abandoned my salad just taking my bag and water bottle. I ran down the empty corridors and headed straight towards the exit and out the front doors. My bag was slowing me down so I dumped them alongside the road and letting the flight mode take over my body. I headed towards the woods slowing my pace as the trees covered my retreating form. I leaned against the tree as my breath faltered and panic slowly increased in my shaking body. I could feel two sets of hands on me but through the blurring of my tears I couldn't see much. I could hear a soothing sound of a female voice whispering to me. She sounded reassuring like a mother would and I whimpered cuddling closer to her, still having no idea who it was. I could hear a deep rumbling growl that seemed to echo. Despite sounding very animalistic it made me feel protected. I slowly began to calm down and recognised the two people who had run after me. It was that girl Rosalie and her boyfriend Emmett. I opened my mouth to apologise but she held her finger up to me and shook her head.

I felt connected to both of them on a very personal level, they both felt safe despite only being a couple of years older than me. I myself am only freshly turned 16. Emmett held my bag open to me and I whispered a thank you to him. They both smiled warmly at me and I blushed.

'I'm so sorry you have to see me like this, my first day and I've acted like a complete nutcase people probably think I'm a right freak.' I sighed and I heard another growl. Shivering I leaned further into Rosalie and she softly purred again. I looked at her confused but she sadly smiled at me. Emmett ruffled the top of my head,

'We heard your speech about our family and I've got to say it was awesome squirt, nobody's ever stood up for us before' my face coloured again as I remembered what I had said.

'I'm so sorry, I had no idea I'd been so loud I just thought it wasn't right that she say stuff like that that isn't necessarily true'. They both give me a megawatt smile and helped me to stand on my feet. I was offered a lift back home by them both and I politely declined in favour of walking, they offered to come with me but I shook my head no. I gathered up my belongings, whispered a quick goodbye and made an abrupt exit to head home. I lit up a smoke on the way home and tried to go over all that had happened today and after the first day I'd made a massive fool out of myself. I grabbed a piece of toast on the way in and headed upstairs waiting for the incoming attack I knew that was coming my way from my older sister.

It was about an hour later when a knock sounded outside my door, I braced myself at the edge of the bed and whispered for the person to enter. Bella's head appeared in my line of vision and I found myself smothered in her embrace. She asked me over and over if I was ok and I nodded into her neck. She had told me that after I left Jessica was massively embarrassed and how the two Cullen's had followed me whilst the rest of them had gazed after our departure. She then went on to how she was captivated by the single Cullen, Edward. She described him to have windswept copper hair with a permanent scowl fixed upon his face and I shivered. She whispered to me

'Do I smell funny to you?' I shook my head giggling, she smelt like lavender, her favourite shampoo. We stayed together just sitting there and I drifted off with my head on her shoulder emotionally exhausted by the whole affair of what occurred today. As I fell asleep I dreamed, I saw colours and the forest, people were running far and fast. I smiled in my sleep as I slept peacefully for the first time in ages. Forks was now my home and I had a feeling something big was going to happen, I don't know when and I sure as hell don't know why but I could feel that a change was going to come…


	2. Chapter 2

Walking in her Shadow – Chapter 2

Waking up the next morning I was flooded with remorse and a sense of bitter regret at what I said. Not necessarily for the reason of standing up for what I believed was right but for speaking out, I was feeling anxious now that Jessica would retaliate in some form or other and target me for the fact that I disagreed with her analysis of the Cullen's. I know it sounds stupid, trust me I do but try convincing that to the negative voice in my head.

Stretching up I reluctantly rolled out of my bed and began my routine of preparing myself for the day ahead. It didn't take me long before I felt appropriately dressed. I opted to go for skinny jeans, a long-sleeved jumper and some boots, warm and comfortable. I took a deep breath before jogging lightly down the steps reaching for my bag and a banana as I passed. I made a mental reminder to ask Bella to go food shopping later as we were in serious need of stocking up the fridge and cupboard. We could cope for the moment though. Charlie was gone again this morning and I felt guilty that I hadn't had a chance to properly speak with him, I sighed adding it to the growing list of things I needed to do.

'Morning' I turned and held a hand to my chest as I noticed Bella lingering in the shadows. I gave a half wave to her and accepted her offer of a lift to school, one could simply not be bothered to walk in the rain to school. Sitting in the passenger seat I stared out the window as the scenery flew by, the heaters were blasting through the car radiating warmth and making me hum with pleasure. I closed my eyes for the briefest period of time and opened them when I felt the car stutter to a stop. I thanked Bella for the lift this morning and promised we would catch up later. I could feel the stares on my back as I headed into the building to get to my first lesson. It just gave me the incentive to speed up. As I rounded the corner I bumped into a _moving_ wall and dropped my books for class. Mumbling apologies I began to gather my things in an attempt to make a swift continuation down the corridor. Alas, it was not to be. Pale white arms shot out to help me pick up my stuff and when I glanced I saw Rosalie looking at me with concern.

It was almost as if everything was moving in slow motion, I could see her lips moving but I couldn't hear a sound. I could feel her nudging me and I shook my head and grinned sheepishly. I saw her beautiful face frown but it didn't stay that way for long. She looked gorgeous as always wearing a navy lace lop with a blazer accompanied with skinny jeans and a pair of heels to top it off. Not even a single hair was out of place. Oh how I envied her, she looked like she had the perfect life. I shook my head to get away from my thoughts and bring the conversation back to the present.

'Hey' I mumbled looking at the floor. She carefully placed my books back in my bag and began walking with me to first lesson holding my bag the entire time despite my pleas of asking for it back. We settled into a peaceful silence and I kept glancing at the clock. This lesson was a long one and would lead us up to lunch. I didn't plan on getting lunch today, I just wasn't in the mood, and in fact I'm seriously considering just going home now. As soon as the bell rang I gathered my stuff quickly and made my escape from the room. I didn't even bother signing out and left to go home, I could just sit and relax there and get into my zone. Harry Potter marathon here I come! I reached my front door and unlocked it dumping my bags in the lounge as I clambered towards the stairs. I quickly stripped down and whipped on my pyjama's getting all snug as I put the movie on and settled down.

Halfway through the film there was a knock at the door. I paused hesitantly thinking who would possibly be visiting at this time during the day. I ran down the stairs and opened the door. I was greeted by the Cullen who I just kept bumping into.

'Hey Lauren, sorry for invading your privacy like this but I just needed to see you're alright' I paused momentarily forgetting the fact that I didn't know her very well but I threw myself at her clinging onto her whimpering. She shocked me more by responding and wrapped me tightly in her embrace manoeuvring us so that we were comfortably situated in the lounge with the front door closed. I barely reached her shoulder with my short height but I could hear a soft purr emerge from within her chest. I didn't question that it was unusual simply snuggling closer to her as _humanly_ possible. Her soft cold skin was a great comfort to me. I don't know how long we stayed like that and to be honest I didn't really care, _I hope she didn't either._

I could feel her softly stroking my hair as she slowly moved away, she felt safe, she felt like home. We sat there again in an undisturbed silence as the minutes ticked by and neither of us spoke a word.

'I'm a vampire'. I whipped my head round so fast I was scared I got whiplash. I just stared at her as my mind tried to process that initial thought. It seemed crazy, _the supernatural didn't exist_. My mouth opened and closed several times as I still tried to come to terms with what she had said. She gently reached over and grabbed my hand taking it to her pulse point. _Oh my lord, she doesn't have a heartbeat._ I could feel myself panic and she softly growled and I calmed instantly which made me feel even more panicked. How did she do that? I was still speechless and sat there in stunned silence as she continued to speak.

'I'm sorry to blurt it out like this, I apologise but I really couldn't help myself. I'm sure you have many questions and I will do my best to answer them just know that I could never harm you ever. It would go against my very nature. Everyone else on the other hand, well that would be a different story.' I paused slowly trying to understand what she was saying to me. The same thoughts seemed to echo in my mind.

'Why me, there's nothing special about me, I'm a freak, I'm nobody.' She growled again stroking my hair as I sat there pouring out all my insecurities.

'You are everything to me, in the vampire world there are special bonds, bonds that are unbreakable only death can sever the connection. There are several types of bonds like sibling bonds, companionship, soulmate bonds and parental bonds. Some bonds are stronger than others and some bonds are strong enough to kill for. The bond I share with you and the bond Emmett shares with you is that of a parent bond. We both feel very strongly towards you, you only get one parental bond between a couple and one mate bond for all eternity. We consider ourselves very lucky we found you this early in our lives, some vampires have to wait centuries.'

Sitting there it just didn't seem real. Out of all the people in the world, a rare bond happened between me and two amazing vampires. Me, plain old me with all my problems attached.

'Rosie, can we go to your place for a little while so I can ask you questions without risking Bella and Charlie coming back' She nodded and whizzed around turning everything off, I also noticed her scribbling a note as she headed back towards me. She took my hand gently and tugged me to the front door where I saw Emmett leaning on the side of his car, it was almost planned but I didn't mind. He ruffled my hair as a passed and shut the door behind me. I could hear a muffled conversation going on between the two and it lulled me into a calm doze and I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes only soft snores emerging as I drifted off.

* * *

Rosalie and Emmett glanced behind them as he parked the vehicle in the garage. His heart melted at the sight of his human soul child sleeping away in the back of his car. He knew that she would make a beautiful vampire when the time came to change her, it made him happy that this life gave him and his Rosie the chance to become parents, something they both new might never happen but low and behold it did and he was so grateful for it too. Rosalie skipped ahead to their room to prepare the bed so Emmett could place their slumbering child in there.

Emmett went to the side of the car and opened the door carefully sliding Lauren into his arms cooing as she nuzzled into his chest. He silently ran through the house careful not to jostle her as he came to their room. Rosalie had the blanket pulled back as he placed her in the middle of the bed. As he tried to pull away her tiny hands refused to relinquish the tight grip they had on his shirt and he sighed. He made the decision to get in beside her and lie next to her as she whimpered every time he tried to leave. Rosalie gave them space as she continued flitting about the house going about her usual routine of flipping through magazines. Eventually Rosalie called up that she was going to hunt as she hadn't been in a while.

Emmett closed his eyes and relaxed getting as close to sleep as he could without actually sleeping because vampires simply didn't sleep. They had no need to. He enjoyed the peace of having his child safe and protected next to him away from all harm. He was happy, he felt his life was complete.

* * *

As I awoke I noticed there were two gold eyes focused on me. I reached up to rub the sleep out my eyes and I shuffled backwards nervously as I noticed someone else in the bed with me. I felt embarrassed that I had fallen asleep on the way here but he didn't seem to mind much.

'Evening squirt' I blushed at his nickname for me, I can't believe I had slept for a few hours, I didn't even realise that I was tired. He allowed me a few moments on my own to get up and utilize the bathroom as I relieved myself before exiting the room and meeting him in the corridor where he told me he'd made dinner for me. I thanked him numerous times knowing that he didn't eat food but drank blood instead. Rosie joined us at some point but I didn't even hear her enter but I saw her as I turned and caught her and Em kissing in the corner. I squeaked and they laughed softly at me.

I glanced at a clock in the room and saw it was about 7:30pm. It wasn't that dark out though but then again there were numerous lights scattered around the place that gave the house a luminous glow. I heard a few others enter the house and whimpered. I felt Rosalie's and Emmett's presence behind me knowing that they were there to protect me. I recognised the first three Cullen's who entered from school; Alice, Jasper and Edward. They gave me small waves but kept their distance. Now there was one final Cullen who I had yet to be introduced to. But from where I was standing he looked like a God who had fallen to earth. _He was breath taking._ I found it hard to take my eyes away from his perfect figure.

'Mine'


	3. Chapter 3

Walking in her Shadow – Chapter 3

 _(A/N- Thank you to the kind reader who left a review and to all those who follow and favorited the FanFic, you have my gratitude!)_

'Mine'

I froze as I heard that one word growled across the room. I shivered in response to the sensual masculine voice that spoke that term of endearment and possessiveness. This was the final Cullen who I presumed to be Carlisle, the guardian of all these eternal teenagers. He looked like heaven on earth if that was even possible. I spared a quick glance in his direction and saw his pitch black eyes never leaving my body. I blushed under the intensity of his gaze as I felt the others slowly back away from me, even Rosie and Emmett.

Before I even had time to comprehend what had happened I was whisked away in the cold solid arms of the blond vampire and carried away from the house. I closed my eyes and relaxed as the wind swept past us as he cradled me protectively and kept me away from anything dangerous. When I opened my eyes again I saw we were surrounded by trees, in a tree ourselves several meters above the ground and I silently panicked. _We were so high up! Breathe, just breathe…_ I genuinely thought we were going to fall and die. I heard this purring and I turned my head to the side. He was looking at me with genuine concern.

'Calm, my little one, I can hear your heart racing; I promise I won't let you be hurt' He whispered in a voice that caressed slowly over my skin and I whimpered snuggling closer to him and he growled softly. My body clenched as a blush swept over my face. We sat in silence in the middle of nowhere and it sounded absolutely ridiculous. He told me to close my eyes as he wrapped my arms and legs around his neck and waist, I clung on as I had an idea of what was happening, then we fell. I silently screamed as I thought we would splat on the ground but I didn't even hear a thud as he landed effortlessly on his feet. I scrambled off him conscious of my weight thinking I would be heavy. He eyed me but didn't say anything.

'My, name in case you didn't know, little one, is Carlisle. May I have the pleasure of knowing yours?' I contemplated not telling him and just running home, I mean it's not every day you have the pleasure of being kidnapped by a vampire. In the end I caved, something in me shouted that I should trust him. I went with my gut.

'Lauren, Lauren Swan' I stammered out and he smiled gently. He kissed my knuckles with his soft beautiful lips and I flushed again.

'My Lauren, my little one, my beautiful mate' I loved the way my name rolled off his tongue. Wait, pardon…Mate? As in Soul mate. My breathing increased as my panic and anxiety levels rose. I couldn't be the mate of this gorgeous immortal. Me, an insignificant human who causes misery everywhere I go. I wasn't even emotionally stable to commit to a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to him, he deserved better not some fat, ugly messed up freak.

'No' I whispered as I started to walk backwards my body ready to run as soon as it became too much.

'No?' He repeated frowning as he did and all I wanted to do was kiss that frown away. I shook my head ridding myself of that thought as my fear got the better of me and I ran. I heard him sigh behind me and I tried to ignore the feeling to run back to him. I had no idea where I was going but I knew I just needed to get away and clear my head. The further I ran the more my lungs burned and the more confused I felt. I felt the tears sliding down my face as my vision blurred and I began to slow to a more comfortable jog and eventually stopped all together. My body slumped to the ground and I knew I would have bruises and scratches when I got up from the foliage. The minutes ticked by and then I felt the rain. It was a trickle at first but then poured like a never ending waterfall and I cried.

I don't know how long I sat there and sobbed for but I felt arms embrace me and cuddle me to a strong cold chest and I turned around and grabbed on like a limpet refusing to let go as I had my emotional outburst. All I heard were the soft growls and purrs coming from my mate's chest. I needed to hear him out first before I decided on anything rash.

'Carlisle, I'm sorry' I whispered ashamed for running away. He cooed in reply hushing me as he rocked me slowly before picking me up with an arm across my shoulders and one under my knees. I buried my face in his neck as he ran to his home and into his bedroom. He slowly peeled off my soaking clothes and I let him dress me in one of his shirts. It dwarfed my body and hung down to my knees. He put my wet dirty clothes in a hamper and quickly changed himself, I averted my eyes but he was freshly dressed in another shirt and dress pants seconds later.

He tugged on the blanket moving it back enough before nudging me over to the bed tucking me in making sure I was warm before he climbed in next to me on top of the blanket putting his arms around me and making sure I was snug against the front of his body. I closed my eyes and let myself drift away.

* * *

Carlisle sat there and marvelled at the sight of his beautiful mate. _She was all his and_ _ **nobody**_ _would take her away from him._ He thought she was perfect and his heart broke when she told him no and ran. His beast called to him to track her down and drag her back screaming but his medical experience was screaming that she suffered mentally and he watched her disappear into the tree line. It hurt his soul to hear her sobbing and he succumbed to the desire to run after her as it began to pour down. As he expected she didn't make it that far but when he saw her sprawled on the ground he couldn't help but pick her up and carry her to his room back home.

He gently removed her dirty clothes not noticing her body as he had a feeling if he was caught gawping she would feel insecure. Besides there would be plenty of time in the future when they were both comfortable in each other's presence that they could explore the others body without fear of rejection. He made sure she was under the blanket before snuggling in behind her to make sure she wasn't cold due to his unnatural body temperature. He couldn't help but watch her in her sleep, she was amazing. Even as she lay there he could still see she was tense and frown lines were naked on her face. He wanted to know how he could help fight whatever demons tormented her.

She fidgeted whilst she slumbered and mumbled incoherently whispering his name amongst the rambling. He smiled at her purring. He really couldn't help it, she brought out all sides of his nature, his calm side and his inner beast. She would be the only one to control him if he was to rage out and he would always be there to protect her, even if she didn't know he would be there day and night. Her quiet snores filled him with joy and he hoped they could have a proper conversation when she woke as he didn't want to leave it how it had been left. She looked terrified at the thought of being with him. He wouldn't force her to stay but he would do his damn best to convince her that being together would be beneficial for both of them as they would complete each other. Nobody else would ever make them feel like they would for each other. He could see that she was slowly starting to wake and he cooed sweet nothings into her ear as she reached for him and nuzzled into his chest. Once again he smiled.

* * *

I woke to the sound of a voice whispering in my ear, and I couldn't help but smile. It was like an automatic response of my body to him. _It was unnatural and I think that's what scares me the most!_ I knew deep down that it would be impossible for him to hurt me and I just needed to trust him because he wouldn't fail me. Even though it went against every irrational thought that entered my mind, I just needed to take a leap of faith even if it was hard _I had to try, for him_.

I snuggled into his chest and he pulled me close as we sat in a peaceful silence as the clock ticked in the room. I glanced around taking in my surrounding properly this time. It was a lovely room coloured in neutral tones. There was a cream carpet with pine coloured oak furniture that decorated the room complete with warm brown curtains and bed linen. It was simple and sophisticated in short terms. I inhaled taking in his rich male scent and his eyes darkened as the blood rushed to the surface of my skin.

'Little one, I hope you won't run this time, we have much to discuss' I looked down trying to avoid this guilty feeling that invaded my senses and made me feel like the worst person in the world. I began to apologize profusely but he raised a pale long finger to my lips silencing me effectively. I shut up immediately and let him continue to speak.

'Being my mate is no small commitment but you are not in it alone. It is a journey we complete together. My role is to provide for you, to love you and to keep you safe. I will spend every moment of eternity worshiping you like the goddess you are.' My heart pounded at his words. He made me feel special and loved and normal even though I was messed up in the head.

'I'm sorry you ended up with someone like me, I have issues and I don't want to infect you or your family with my freakishness. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have been known to self-harm and even attempted suicide. I struggle every day to find the motivation to even get up even if I don't sleep very well. I drink, I smoke and I take medication. I'm a wreck and you deserve better than some fat ugly emotional lunatic.' I finished my little speech and his eyes were like glowing black holes, I could feel the anger rolling off him in dark waves. I shivered feeling I was going to be on the receiving end of his anger. I shrunk back and his glare softened as he kissed my forehead.

'I'm not angry at you but you forget I'm a doctor, I know that some people suffer mentally from conditions. It doesn't make you any different from someone who deals with a physical illness. You are not a freak and you are definitely not ugly or fat. You are beautiful and you are mine. Everyone will go through a rough patch in their life but you will never be alone again. Every day you suffer I will be there right beside you, every time you get the urge to do something I will be there to hold your hand. We will fight your battles together, little one, and you will never be alone again. You have me, Rosalie, Emmett and the rest of the family who already love you and welcome you as if you have been here for decades'. My eyes glistened with tears that were ready to fall and I wiped them before they could as I hugged Carlisle as tight as I could.

'I will try my best to love you, I can feel my mind and body persuading me to be near you and I know you will protect me. Please forgive me if I get scared or panic. But know that I am trying my hardest.' He nodded and placed a kiss on my forehead. It was in that moment that I knew, my future looked bright. I could feel a change was going to come. For better or for worse I don't quite yet know but I know I need to be ready...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Walking in her Shadow

Rosie and Emmett dropped me back home later on that evening where I resumed my normal routine knowing full well that nothing was ever going to be the same again, I mean how could it? I found out today that vampires exist and that I am the mate of the leader of the Cullen Clan. To put it simply I'm surprised I haven't freaked out more over the matter, truth be told I know I will react sooner or later, I hope it will be the first so I can get on and try to think about all the other issues swimming round in my head. Oh well.

Getting all snuggled up in my bed I felt an ache in my chest, I instinctively curled into myself cuddling the pillow to my front. I heard a soft knock on my door and frowned. Who would be coming in at this time? I whispered to the person to come in and I saw Bella's face peek round the door frame. Her tired brown eyes stared into mine and I waited for her to mumble something intelligent.

'Sorry to bother you but can I stay with you tonight?' I raised an eyebrow at her. We hadn't stayed in the same room for a long time but she did often come to comfort me in the past when I felt down. She didn't fully understand my emotions, I mean I don't fully understand them myself but sometimes she can be a bit dense and it frustrates me.

'Sure' I kept my reply short and sweet as she slowly crept in and tripped a few times in her feeble attempts to get over to me, I sighed and I swear I could see her cheeks flush in the pitch black like a glowing beacon. She climbed in beside me and hugged me tightly to her. I tensed but slowly relaxed in her hold and closed my eyes.

'I worry about you all the time you know, I know how hard it is for you and sometimes I worry I'm going to wake up and you're not going to be here and it scares me immensely. I know I'm the older sister but it's part of my job to look out for you and I'm always here you know that. But I need you in my life and I can't handle the thought if you were to take your life. I know we're not the closest but I love you' she whispered.

I sat there in silence as I contemplated her words, I don't think she realised I was awake but never the less her words hit a chord in me. I couldn't get them out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I don't know how long it was until I heard her breathing even out and her soft snores echoed through the room. I could hear my dad's snores from across the hallway and I sighed. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight. I missed Rosie, Em and Carlisle. I knew it was stupid, I barely knew the Cullen's but in the short hours I had sat with them I felt more at peace with them than I do with my biological family. That in itself made me feel incredibly guilty and troubled my sleep even more.

I felt the minutes tick by and heard the rain start to trickle as it hit the roof in a chain of musical plinks. I silently cried as I thought about how troubled I was and thought about Bella's words. I also couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't take my life, I had tried before and have thought about it on a few occasions. I crept out of bed and into the bathroom as I found a sharp razor that I kept hidden in there. I sat against the wall next to the door that was still unlocked as I dragged the blade harshly against my soft abused skin watching as a trail of blood slowly appeared and trickled down my arms. I sought to punish myself and to find release in my world of sadness. I wanted to feel something other than hatred and self-loathing towards myself.

My days were monotonous, I constantly suffered and I just really wanted it to end. I stuck harder striking over and over again over both my arms before running the blade along my wrist. Bang. I hit the wall with a loud thud. _Shit!_ I never planned for it to happen this way, I didn't think I would take it this far now it's too late. I could feel myself floating and drifting as I heard the door swing over and someone shaking me. I cried. Honestly I couldn't help myself. _I'm sorry_ , I thought, _I'm so sorry…_ I felt myself being carried and I just lay there limply.

* * *

Charlie startled awake, his instincts telling him something was terribly wrong. He had heard a bang and left to investigate. The bathroom door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open his feet coming into contact with something wet. He flicked the light on and shouted his cry to the heaven. His baby girl was covered in cuts and blood. He shook her trying to get a response but she stared blankly at him mumbling. He cradled her picking her up calling for Bella to follow.

Bella stumbled out of Lauren's room and cried when she saw the state of her 16 year old sister lying there limply in her dads hold. They both rushed out the house and into his cruiser as Charlie lay her across Bella's lap. Bella's phobia of blood didn't matter at this moment in time as she applied pressure to the wounds despite her stomach turning and her head spinning, she couldn't let anything happen to Lauren.

Charlie put on the sirens and flashing lights as he broke every speed limits in attempt to get to the hospital as fast as he could. His heart pounded faster every second he was getting closer to the hospital. Not bothering to park properly he pulled over and grabbed Lauren out of Bella's hold, her clothes now saturated with blood. There was no one around and he ran into the emergency room only to be greeted with horrified faces staring at him. He shouted for help over and over again.

Carlisle Cullen rushed forwards taking his mate from Charlie as he rushed her to a bed shouting for units of O- to be brought stat as he did his best to triage her wounds starting with the ones that were bleeding the most. He had her hooked up to a machine to monitor her vitals which were thready at best but still there. She now lay limply against the bed, her hair splayed in a halo round her pale face. She looked like death itself and if he couldn't hear her heartbeat he would be convinced she was dead. He started to transfuse the blood a nurse had rushed to him. The shift had been quiet up until now and his instincts were screaming at him to save his mate. His eyes were pure black with anger. Anger at why his mate was in this position. Anger that she felt the need to do this to herself. Anger that she was on the verge of death. Anger at himself.

He had finally stitched up all her wounds and they had stopped their bleeding but she was still very pale and unconscious. Carlisle refused to move from her bedside holding her hand as he stayed there for the next few hours.

Charlie and Bella came in a few hours later anxiously waiting to see their daughter and sister. It had been a hard night for all of them. Charlie had found his daughter almost dead and Bella had walked out into the most horrific scene she could ever imagine. Carlisle, oh poor Carlisle had smelt the blood of his soulmate and nearly died on the spot. If she was dead he would soon follow her after taking out the whole state in a perpetual anger for his mate. Charlie and Bella left to go home to get dressed and ready as soon as Lauren had stabilized and they promised they would be back during visiting hours later on in the day. Carlisle jumped to his feet torch in his hand as he spotted Lauren slowly starting to come around.

* * *

I felt tears streaking down my face as I came to. My vision was badly blurred and I could feel someone smoothing my hair back whispering endearments to me and I cried even harder. At the time doing this to myself felt right but I never meant to take it this far. I was so caught up in the moment I nearly took my life in a flash of seconds. I instantly regretted what I had done and now I felt embarrassed, lost and completely alone. Nobody would ever forgive me for what I had tried to do. I hate myself so much.

I whimpered as I struggled to get up feeling around for something, anything as I tried to sit up but strong arms held me down, softly growling and purring to me. I cried out begging them to help me as they gently pushed me over and climbed into the hospital bed next to me. I curled into the chest which I knew belonged to a certain blond doctor as he held me as close as was humanly possible. He knew as well as I did that this was hardly ethical but I was now situated in a private room and there was nobody around as Carlisle was my primary physician.

I felt very groggy to say the least and my muscles ached beyond relief. As soon as I was calm Carlisle turned to me and growled

'We need to have a serious conversation little one, I am very close to ending my shift early to take you back to my home but I have a duty of care and need to see some other patients. Make no mistake I will be back and we will get to why you felt the need to mutilate your body like this. I'm not angry at you never think that but I am angry that something or someone caused you to do this to yourself. I love you dearly and will be back to check on you soon.'

He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and I cried softly as he pulled away missing the physical contact but I knew deep down he was needed somewhere else even if we both didn't like it. I heard the door close behind him and after a few minutes had passed I noticed my jacket was lying on a chair next to the bed with my favorite teddy waiting there for me. I stiffly rolled out of the bed and grabbed my jacket to put in on. Zipping it up I felt a weight in the pocket, it was my cigarettes a picture of my family and my phone. Bella must have left them here for me. I felt immensely guilty for what I had put her and Charlie through and I never considered them at the time. I was completely selfish.

I was craving a smoke really badly and I zipped up my jacket holding my teddy and began to exit from the room. It was easy to navigate around the hospital but I had to constantly watch myself as I knew I was a high suicide risk at the moment, eyes would be trying to track my every move. There were a few instances where I thought I was going to be caught but lucky for me I found the exit pretty quick. Breathing the fresh air allowed me to clear my head and to think about what I had done. I lit up my fag as I slowly took a drag to calm myself down. I'm surprised nobody had come looking for me yet. I slid down the wall still clutching my teddy to me as I sat there in a relative peace.

In that moment it was just me, me watching the world, no matter how bad I'm feeling I'm slightly glad my near attempt failed and that I'm still here. As I was about to take another drag a pale hand appeared and took it off me stubbing it out with a shiny polished shoe. I turned around to protest and came face to face with my angry mate. He said nothing as he picked me up carrying me back through the hospital and I could feel the stares on me as I buried my face into his chest. He still said nothing and I felt myself getting twitchy as the anxiety built up inside me. I knew I should have stayed in bed but I was craving a smoke so bad. The head rush you get which leaves you feeling light and airy.

As we entered my room I saw my father sitting there as well, I moaned in shame as I was placed on the bed and I turned away from them.

'Baby girl, it's a decision that Carlisle and I have discussed and disagreed over and we have decided the best thing for you is to stay with his family for a few weeks where he can monitor you closely. As much as I would love for you to come home the other option is sectioning you for your own benefit. I hate to have to do this but I love you and so I agreed you will be under the care of Dr Cullen. The hospital have agreed to give him administrative leave but he is still available for consultations if they need him but his priority will be you. Me and Bella will happily come and visit you but this is for your own good and I'm sorry it has come to this but you leave us no choice.' I heard as his voice drifted off. I didn't reply as I listened to his words. _They didn't trust me…_

I didn't want to speak to anyone at the moment and I continued to stare out of the window to my room. I felt him give me a tight squeeze and a kiss on my forehead as he exited the room. Carlisle continued to process my discharge papers and got my things ready to go yet I still didn't move. Many minutes passed and I guess he grew tired as I heard him exit the room.

It wasn't long before he came back not wearing his doctors overcoat and his briefcase was gone. He came over to the bed and picked me up despite my resistance as I fought weakly against him but it was nothing to his vampire defences. If anything it hurt me more than it hurt him. I wore myself out and when I next woke I was in an unknown room I presumed in the Cullen home. One I hadn't seen before on my last visit. I looked up only to see the man in question place his book down on the side table next to where he was seated. I knew know that I would have to speak. There was going to be no discussion about that. This was going to be a long day.


	5. Chapter 5

A long day it was. For the first few hours I stared blankly back at Carlisle in our never ending stare off battle and I refused to give in. I didn't _need_ to speak and I didn't _want_ to speak to him or to anyone for that matter I just wanted to be left alone so I could wallow in my own sadness and brood some more. I hated that I had done something that I didn't plan to do, don't get me wrong I really did want to _hurt_ myself but I didn't want to _kill_ myself. It was one of those spur of the moment opportunities.

I could hear a nearby clock ticking and it was driving me insane, I could feel myself mentally screaming out for help but I knew nobody could hear me. I was all alone. I could feel Carlisle burning holes in my face with his piercing gaze and to be honest I didn't care. I stood up abruptly and went to leave the room and for the first time in what felt like forever he spoke.

'Stop' he whispered, 'please stay'.

I felt my heart break even more as his words hit a chord in me and I knew in that instance that I _couldn't_ walk away. It was impossible to move my body even the slightest inch, I was being weighed down by some unknown force and I automatically turned to face him. I glanced into his beautiful golden eyes and I broke down sobbing mournful cries to the heavens above. I felt two arms wrap themselves around my waist tugging me till I was situated on his lap curled into his chest.

He cooed sweet nothings to me as his strong but gentle fingers glided through my hair as he continued to hold me in his embrace as I was overwhelmed with everything that had taken place. I begged him to forgive me for what I had done as I cried sorry over and over again. I eventually calmed down and my cries subsided to gentle whimpers and he began to talk again.

'I was so unbelievably terrified when I saw you covered in blood that if I was human I would have had a heart attack on the spot. I can't begin to explain what would have happened if you had have died in my arms but I dread to think about it. As your doctor I can understand why people feel the need to go to such lengths to rid themselves of their pain but as your mate I need to hear why you did it. I _need_ you to speak honestly to me so such a thing _never_ happens again. _Ever!''_ he concluded with a harsh finality in his voice. As he got further into his speech his voice grew deep and he growled out the words as if he could never consider me taking such extensive actions.

I just nodded as words failed me and my mouth just opened and closed mutely. I sighed as I would have to open myself up in a way I never had before. I had never needed to before. _Had_ being the key word in this dire situation. I sighed again as I began to speak my soul to this godly being.

''I've always struggled with myself as a person and if I'm being completely blunt here I hate myself, I'm a freak and a failure and I'm so ugly I just want to claw away at myself till there's nothing left'. I paused as he let out a ferocious growl and bundled me closer together purring deeply to calm me and himself down 'Never shall those words pass your lips again, I ban those words from your mind'. I giggled softly to myself and he growled again.

'I'm deadly serious about this, it makes me want to massacre the people who would make you feel like this and if I ever find out somebody has hurt or upset you even indirectly _they will pay_!' I shivered as his words sent a chill down my spine but nodded none the less. We sat there again for several more hours as I discussed with him all my problems and he gave his imput usually a growl or a short comment that made my insides tingle and my stomach flutter. I never had felt like this in my whole life. This foreign feeling made me feel loved and I wanted to feel it for ever second of the rest of my life. I felt emotionally drained by the end of our conversation and I knew that this would not be the end of it. I would be closely monitored by him forever to make sure I never attempted anything of this magnitude again. I fell asleep in his cool embrace lulled to sleep by the sound of his soothing voice.

* * *

As soon as he felt her heartbeat even out Carlisle stood with her locked tightly to his chest and edited the small seating area where they were currently occupying. He walked towards his bedroom on the top floor of the Cullen mansion-of-sorts and closed the door behind him once they were safety inside. He placed her in the middle of the bed sliding in next to her where he spooned her from behind with an arm securely wrapped round her waist as her soft snores echoed around the room and made his unbeating heart clench in his chest. He adored her, she was a goddess sent to him from above and it killed his she couldn't see how amazing she was.

He took this time to examine her and to analyse his feelings for her. She was truly breath taking with her soft slight curves adorning her perfectly small figure. Her head barely reaching his collarbone when they both stood up. She had fair skin with a splattering of freckles covering her cute button nose and rosy red cheecks. Long lashes rested on those said cheeks and eyelids hid those gorgeous captivating grey pools of liquid that swirled blue with emotion conveyed in their very depths. Her hair had a natural curl to it that cascaded down her back like a purple waterfall. _She was beautiful beyond words._

Carlisle knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved her with every fibre of his being and that no matter how long it would take to convince her he would remind her of his love for her every single day for she was his, and his alone. Nobody would dare to touch her unless they wanted to aggravate his beast below the surface. Contrary to belief Carlisle wasn't born in the 1600's like many believed him to be. He was over 2000 years old and a member of the Volturi despite not living in Italy with the coven. It wasn't common knowledge that he was a brother to the three kings and even rarer to know that he himself was a king too and he was given a fair amount of power. He had left the coven in the 1600's to try a new lifestyle to investigate their race.

Carlisle was a man of science where as Caius preferred war and battle strategy, Aro leaned towards knowledge of everything and anything he could get his hands on and Marcus was the romantic at heart. He gained knowledge about every bond known to man, vampire and animal. Carlisle left to explore the ever expanding world of scientific discoveries and hoped to learn more about their physiology and about the humans too. He himself carried the most empathy towards humans but even he had a cruel steak. He had to keep up with the facade of playing vegetarian even though he preferred real blood. He left also to try and find his mate being the only brother yet to find his other half.

Despite being millennia old he never once engaged in sexual activity with another person opting to save himself for his one true partner unlike many others. He wanted to be hers and hers alone and it would be no good if he engaged in intercourse with another being and it came back to bite him in the ass. It just wouldn't do. Within the Cullen clan Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett knew of his true heritage and accepted him the way he was despite them not wanting to stray from the animal blood diet and he respected them to leave them to their own devices. It also pleased him that his coven members were fond of his mate and were willing to protect her with their lives. Even two of them had recognized her as their soul child.

It pleased Carlisle greatly to know that she would be surrounded by love and support from a devoted mate and two loving parents for the rest of eternity when he decided to turn her. She was still very young only being 16 to his 24 in human appearance. It didn't bother him in the slightest though because she completed him in every possible way. He could hear his coven members through the rest of the house going about there own business whether it be following human rituals such as watching tv or lying down. All was peaceful for the moment.

He turned his attention back to his mate as he watched the slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. He shifted slightly and she whimpered reaching out to him even as she slumbered thinking he was going to leave. He would never let her out of his sight if he had his way. He continued to watch as as she dreamed and closed his eyes basking in the relaxing encironment. She was safe in his arms, she was alive and he would do anything to keep her that way even if it meant protecting her from herself or killing someone for simply upsetting her. He would move the earth for her if she wanted. He waited until she woke again for them to have another conversation this time he would be informing her of the bond and who he really was.

He only hoped she would see past the monster and accept him. He would do anything for her and he would never stop loving her.


	6. Chapter 6

When I awoke again I found myself stretching and I sighed, I find myself doing this more often than not. I glanced around the room and saw the familiar form of the vampire I was slowly beginning to fall for. I know it's quick and it seems pathetic, I'm not one for romance at all but something about him had me wanting to celebrate Valentine's and read love poems as the Sun set in the distance. If I'm being perfectly honest it rather frightened me in that the short space I'd been in Forks, I'd discovered vampires truly exist and that I have soul parents and a vampire mate. If you ask me I think it sounds rather ridiculous but I guess it's the path I have to follow and I can't change it even if I wanted to.

Back to the vampire who was sitting in an upright prone position with his eyes staring into mine. I shifted uncomfortably as it made me feel slightly anxious to say the least. I was the first to glance away and when I looked back up he was standing over me. I flinched before I relaxed, my body responding to his as I fell limp against the sheets. It confused me how I followed him instinctively but I had a feeling that we would have a conversation about that in the near future.

He cupped my face in his large strong hands as fingertips brushed my face tracing gently over the features, I let out a soft moan and his eyes darkened. I could've swore that his teeth extended and I could see them peeking over his teeth. He leaned in and nuzzled my neck and I tilted my head to give him better access gripping his upper back to press him closer to me.

His tongue caressed my neck as it darted from between his beautiful lips sweeping back and forth over my pulse point but I wasn't afraid of him. I knew somehow that I would always be safe with him.

'Do it'

I felt him inhale sharply before he pulled me to sit with my back pressing against his muscular chest, I whimpered with need and he let out a loud growl that emanated from his chest and rumbled against my back. One minute passed in silence and I held my breath in anticipation and then it happened. Quick as a cobra but as delicate as a butterfly pain gave way to a delicious sensation that left me wanting more. I could feel his mouth moving against my neck as he took gentle pulls. My arms reached behind me as I cradled his head to me.

'Carlisle'

I felt myself become drowsy as he continued to drink from me and I slowly slumped against him and then it stopped. He released me and I'm presuming he sealed the wound because I couldn't feel any blood run down my neck. I turned round to meet his gaze and to my immense surprise it wasn't the honey gold I'd become to love.

It was crimson red. I met his gaze without backing down he was still _my_ Carlisle. I turned my body round and attached myself to him like a limpet and he responded by doing the same. I gently pressed my lips against his as I felt him slowly kiss me back with more force. His tongue probed my lips begging for entrance and I denied him access but it only made him more determined. He nibbled on my lip and I succumbed to his demands as our tongues danced passionately.

It felt like a life time had passed before we broke apart me gasping for breath and _him,_ he looked like a fallen Angel in all his glory. He was perfect, he was mine.

* * *

Carlisle stared in awe at his beautiful young mate, she had willingly placed her life in his hands when she offered her blood up to him. As much as he'd like to keep his vegetarian act up just to stay in Forks for a little longer he wasn't going to deny his body true nourishment from the most perfect being in the universe.

He knew that there time here was slowly drawing to a close and this didn't saddened him, he missed his brother's and coven in Italy. He also knew that his mates suicidal tendencies couldn't be ignored for much longer, she was a major risk to herself and if she died he would follow where she led. Deep down he knew she would need some form of counselling, which he would provide not trusting any other to her personal care. He knew that medication would also be another possibility which he could easily provide too.

Carlisle knew that whilst they were in their bubble he didn't want to ruin what bliss they were currently experiencing and was hesitant to bring up her reason for her _very_ recent hospitalization. So he would leave if for now, possibly for days until she was ready to talk on her own terms because he really didn't want to force it out of her.

'Just listen whilst I talk little one'

He felt her nod her consent as she angled her head where he could see she was paying full attention to him.

'As Rosalie may have told you before we are vampires, we maintain a diet of animal blood whilst living in Forks. Now as you may have guessed earlier the other option is to consume human blood which used to be my primary diet before I located here in the early 1700's. My original coven resides in Italy where I hope to return with you in a few weeks. We are considered royalty, the law makers in our society.' He paused briefly to let her absorb what he had just confessed.

He could hear her heart beat pick up, feel the rush of blood and smell it beneath the surface of her skin. Oh how he would love to sink his teeth into her again. She was delicious, a perfect delicacy that he would enjoy for all eternity as he got to know her.

'Sweetness, calm, you need to take some deep breaths and remember I would sooner die before hurting you'

Carlisle truly meant that as well, he couldn't bare the thought of causing her harm.

'Ok' she whispered softly back not saying anything for or against what he just said and that was good. She was still processing what he had just said. He didn't want to push her already fragile mental status as he was afraid she would shatter. He remained sitting with her until she shifted and stared at him. Words were hanging off her lips, he had no idea what she was going to say and that frightened him more than anything. He sat there giving her his full attention as she started to speak.


End file.
